Dark Secrets of XXX: The Real Price of Adult Content</span>
Dark Secrets of XXX: The Real Price of PORN
As men, we must admit that adult websites are something we have visited at least once. At 10 I stumbled upon my friend’s dad's adult magazines by mistake, and discovered explicit content exploring the world of anime as a teen. Adult content wasn’t something I sought or desired, but the field of life brimmed with xxx landmines.
I considered pornography a no-no based on my strict upbringing, until it became common currency among my teen peer-group. As a rebel, the thrill of doing something I wasn’t supposed to seemed fun, but it also left me with a guilty conscience. While I found no shortage of warnings against drugs and illegal behavior, nothing exposed the consumption of adult material as a real threat. In fact (and according to general consensus) there seemed to be more pros than cons, such as learning, understanding intimacy, and relieving some stress. Bored, sad, overwhelmed, lonely, or frustrated? The Internet offered plenty of easy ways to get a rush.
I also — perhaps like many as well — questioned myself, the possible repercussions of my actions, and sought reasons to continue or stop. Opinions online ranged from “burning in the everlasting fire of hell” to “reducing the length of one’s life spam,” but nothing resonated as true, relevant, or dangerous.
The most reasonable justification I found, however, was that men are sexually-driven creatures and our testosterone levels make us prone to a high level of desire. Some call this drive “manly,” “alpha,” or even natural. But is it? If this level of desire was a natural part of existence, wouldn’t we have sustainable ways of fulfilling it?
Much like getting hungry after watching a well-crafted food commercial, it seemed to me that I ate more than I needed to, enabled by an easy access to satisfy these demands. But if there’s something I’ve learned from a few marketing books and classes, it's that demand is always manufactured, and desire is its fuel.
Could this possibly mean that our desire for intimacy is a learned habit, and not a natural instinct as we might be inclined to think? What if the constant exposure to “beautiful women” on ads, TV shows, and other media has a direct impact on what we consider desirable, acceptable, or important? It wasn’t until I read Robert Cialdini’s “Influence” that I connected some dots.
Enter Pluralistic Ignorance. According to experts across the board, pluralistic ignorance refers to a situation we are likely in disagreement with, but that we go along with given is the prevailing attitude of the “group.” Obliterating children with candy on Halloween, believing milk is a good source of calcium, and the saying “happy wife happy life” are all examples of believing absurdities because everyone else does.
On a paper by Mauricio Fernández Duque (linked below), we can examine how individuals conform to a perceived majority attitude that may be incorrect, leading us to inconspicuously fall in this trap. The study reveals that uncertainty about others' attitudes and preferences for conformity influence the likelihood of pluralistic ignorance, that is, doing things you feel are wrong but can justify since those around you are doing the same.
According to other studies (links below), a great majority of adult content consumers are males (surprise!), and pornographic material accounts for a significant slice of online-content downloads (surprise again!). Pluralistic ignorance, therefore, could be tied to men's use of pornographic material by revealing how societal misconceptions about its acceptance can enable harmful behaviors. We might falsely believe that our peers endorse or tolerate porn consumption, reinforcing this habit despite personal or relational damage.
And just like our peers, we might compare our current level of intimacy with “what could be,” leading to a lack of relationship fulfillment despite the quality and frequency of “intimate action.” Falling into this mental trap is a dangerous endeavor, one that could mean a lot more than you thought up until now.
10 Dark Secrets of Porn
While digging up online yielded more results than ones outlined below, I found these 10 themes come up more often than the rest, and with them enough reasons to discontinue the use of what seemed to be an acceptable idea.
1. Unsustainable Desire
Effect on the User: Porn increases sexual desire, translating to the need to satisfy it one way or another. This could lead to emotional and physical distancing from your partner due to unmet needs, emotional quicksands hard to escape from.
Effect on Others: Partners feel neglected and disconnected, straining the relationship.
2. Relationship Dissatisfaction
Effect on the User: Porn increases overall relationship dissatisfaction, leading to inappropriate outlets when reality doesn't meet expectations. These “outlets” include sex workers, clandestine activities, and infidelity. Exposing these habits often lead to divorce, or worse, living in fear of being discovered and losing what you love most.
Effect on Others: The partner experiences betrayal, and the relationship (and those involved in it) suffers significant harm.
3. Human Trafficking
Effect on the User: Supporting porn empowers an industry linked to human trafficking, where many performers are coerced, manipulated, or forced into faking the things you like. There’s no shortage of ex-actresses confessing the horrors of being “on-set,” and no lack of testimonies about unethical practices.
Effect on Others: Contributes to the exploitation and abuse of vulnerable individuals.
4. Willful Blindness
Effect on the User: Like visiting a slaughterhouse and realizing where the steak you’re eating comes from, visiting a film site can expose some harsh realities. Ungodly smells, invasive cameras, and hours of soul-crushing performance to film a few minutes of content are just some of them.
Effect on Others: Promotes behind-the-scenes suffering for performers (and cleaning crews).
5. It’s All a Lie
Effect on the User: Many actors and actresses drink, do drugs, and struggle between scenes. They must perform anything they are instructed to do. Not only is the moaning, dirty talking, and passion feigned, but many times these scenes contradict their participant’s preferences or opinions. You wouldn’t imitate fiction superheroes in real life, so why expect this to be true?
Effect on Others: Partners cannot compete with these unrealistic portrayals, leading to dissatisfaction.
6. It’s a Death Trap
Effect on the User: Performers often face high suicide rates due to the conflict between their conscience and their actions. While some may think “they are making millions f%$*ing hot people,” working in this industry ripples into actors and actresses’ personal lives in ways you can’t imagine, contributing to a rapid decline in mental health.
Effect on Others: Users indirectly support an industry that contributes to the mental health decline of its workers.
7. Enables Adult Males to Prey on Your Daughter
Effect on the User: According to many sources, “barely legal” videos are filmed long before age of consent. If you are a parent, let that one sink in. The concept and normalization of "barely legal" pornography blurs the lines between legal adult content and the exploitation of minors, encouraging viewers to seek out younger-looking performers, which can have serious implications and consequences in the lives of those children.
Effect on Others: Contributes to the abuse and exploitation of minors, who are defenseless against the manipulation tactics of predators.
8. Many Do It Out of Need
Effect on the User: Sure, they could find another job, but if someone sugarcoated the nature of the job and exaggerated the payouts, wouldn’t you do it too? There is plenty of proof about how people commit horrible things while internally opposing them, but even more proof of the negative consequences of this shared human vulnerability.
Effect on Others: Users support a system that preys on vulnerable individuals' need for money.
9. Others Become Rich at Your Expense
Effect on the User: Porn makes investors rich while ruining users' and workers’ lives, marriages, and self-esteem. It promotes abuse, normalizes misogyny, and evokes a state of dissatisfaction in your relationship that could lead to challenging situations you didn’t expect or can’t manage.
Effect on Others: Contributes to a cycle of exploitation, self-destruction and abuse.
10. It Handicaps Your Judgment
Effect on the User: Porn blinds users to the value of their real-life partner (you know, the one that puts up with your man-child caprices), leading to a lack of appreciation and relationship destruction. Do you want to experience romance, fulfillment, and love until your last breath, or do you prefer bringing a swift end to your emotional state for a short rush of weakening pleasure?
Effect on Others: Partners feel undervalued and unloved, contributing to relationship breakdown.
ADJUSTING PERSPECTIVES
Once I realized that my actions weren’t about superficial and trivial concerns, but the impact of a “free” habit to satisfy a manufactured need, I became aware of the significant (and destructive) consequences in life and love. Ignorance isn’t bliss, but a path to failure by giving this issue less importance than it deserves.
The disgust I felt after discovering how adult content affected myself and others served as a trigger to avoid it, similar to the reflex of vomiting when exposed to others’ puke. I thought curbing the habit would be a difficult task, but the truth set me free.
It’s been a couple of years since that realization, and the effects in my relationship and life have been massive, but that’s a topic for a future post. Today’s goal is to help you see the sweatshop full of children before you purchase that stupid coat, and to spare you from the destruction that awaits many, especially yourself, if you don’t stop.
CONCLUSION
There’s a reason why this content is free everywhere. Like a sample of a potent drug to get you hooked for life, the use of adult content robs many of basic human needs, such as respect, love, connection, and security. It not only affects others, but it’s a detrimental factor for your relationship, intimate fulfillment and feelings of self-worth. Last but not least, it prevents you from seeking and finding new ways to satisfy your and your partner’s emotional needs, which will lead to separation and divorce, or worse, a relationship brimming with resentment, dissatisfaction, and lack of hope.
If you’re struggling with this issue, you are not alone. Many wrestle with habit but can’t find reasons good enough to curb it. Now you have, and with them the power to chose the direction of your love life. Don’t let others f#%k you too; instead, give them the middle finger like you would to your local crack dealer, and shed this habit from your identity to live a more fulfilled life.
Thank you for reading and please don’t forget to check out my book “No Grail Without Dragons” where I share the 33 mindset shifts that led me to a live of meaning and fulfillment.
Until the next post,
Victor
Resources
1 - https://www.simplypsychology.org/pluralistic-ignorance.html
2 - https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/duque/files/pluralistic_ignorance_and_social_change_new_1027.pdf
3 - https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-prevalent-is-pornography
5 - Ex-performers share their experience: https://youtu.be/t0rdSxVXxrc?si=0PaUEV4ycgbLdxqL
6 - Bree Olson’s testimony: https://youtu.be/kwFs17_UQa4?si=gHbozJCdOuaK3Be0
7 - Porn and Sex Trafficking: I was sex trafficked by GirlsDoPorn Pt.1 || Consider Before Consuming Podcast
8 - Fantasy vs Reality: https://youtu.be/zuwPxQQ_bGQ?si=CpetgrgOOpYGJbzi
9 - “Influence”, by Robert Cialdini: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28815.Influence