On the path of self-improvement, the line between transformative breakthroughs and deceptive manipulation can be perilously thin. Today I explore the intriguing intersection of personal growth and the seductive allure of cult-like groups, uncovering the secrets to genuine self-development while sidestepping the traps of coercion.

The Power of Interpretation: A Master's Test

The master sat at the table with his three disciples, enjoying their usual meal. Without prior notice, the master threw a sensu (folding hand fan) at a disciple, who, after being hit in the face with it, grunted and handed the fan back to the Master, who made no gesture.

At a later date, the master did the same to his other disciple, who, after getting hit with the fan in the face, chuckled and scratched his back with it. “Not bad,” muttered the master.

When the turn for the third disciple to get tested came, the master threw the fan with added strength, hitting the third disciple hard on his face.

But once the disciple recovered from the brief surprise, he opened the fan with a smile, placed a piece of cake on it, and handed it back to the Master. The Master smiled and bowed.

This story underscores the power of interpretation, and most often than not, how we are victims of our own prejudices. The same event could be interpreted in different ways by reflecting on it, and finding reasons to explain it or dictate how we should act next.

Patterns on Manipulation: My Personal Journey

Born in one of the wealthiest families in the province, my grandparents sheltered me from the dark side of life. The other half of my education came from my step-dad, who used a firm hand as default and shoved Christianity down my throat until I rebelled.

But the time came when I started living life on my own, and while they were busy with juggling with the curveballs of life (and their decisions), I explored the shadows they had warned me to avoid.

Among the many adventures I embarked on, I dipped my toes into a handful of cults, places that I abandoned once things began to feel eerie. Curiosity and the need for answers brought me to these places, the same curiosity that led me to question their contradicting practices. Without a reasonable explanation, and guided by inner discomfort, I followed my intuition and broke away from the group mentality against everyone's “advice”.

By 19, I had experienced first-hand a number of religious groups and their ideals. While the shell of each institution varied greatly, there seemed to be a pattern in their recruitment, loyalty, and mind-control tactics. Love bombing, spewing sympathy, regular meetings, and devising a common enemy became tell-tales of places to avoid. And while these tactics became easy to spot, the one I will cover on this post took many years to unveil.

NXIVM's “Exploration of Meaning” Technique: A Deeper Dive

Although I had watched the series “The Vow”years ago, I stumbled upon it’s first episode again and this time around something caught my attention.

This NXIVM “The Vow” episode highlighted their “Exploration of Meaning” (EM) technique, a process claiming to eradicate deep-seated negative beliefs. Their most notable success story involved allegedly curing individuals of Tourette's syndrome, a claim that bolstered the technique's credibility within the organization.

The few clips I watched of someone performing said technique took me back to memory lane. The questions and their order, the targeted approach and reversal of meaning seemed all-too familiar.

In my quest for answers, I discovered that this “EM” technique wasn't as novel as it appeared. And while NXVIM claimed it to be proprietary technology, I uncovered its roots in Morty Lefkoe's work, specifically the Lefkoe Method, a well-established approach to eliminating harmful beliefs.

Lefkoe's method, while part of a long history of similar practices, represented a modern, direct approach to belief transformation. His work, which I thoroughly investigated, seemed to have significantly influenced NXIVM’s methods, although mine is just an educated guess.

With the pieces of the puzzle together, I decided to become part of the experiment and use Lefkoe’s method on myself to uncover — an unlikely — limiting belief. My ego led the experiment as it thought that with the amount of work I’ve done on myself, and the challenges I have overcome, there was nothing in there I hadn’t tamed or erradicated.

But to my surprise, I was the poster boy for the “I’m not important” category. At first, neither of the 3 belief pathways seem to apply to me. Upon further consideration, however, I realized that the “I’m not important” category would be suitable to this test.

A few minutes later, I found myself in tears by revisiting my childhood memories, and uncovering how I had come to believe this about myself. In my book “No Grail Without Dragons” I talk about finding your core driving need — in my case Significance — and how to put it to good use, but it had never occurred to me that believing “I’m not important” had driven me to great lengths, and failures, to feel significant.

In less than 30 minutes I had experienced the power of this inquiry method. In the process, I also understood how it could be used to help someone change their course in a constructive way, or entice someone else to justify unethical or erratic behavior. In my experience, the power of said approach is undeniable.

Yet, as potent as these techniques are, their dual nature is unmistakable. Like a knife that can either harm or nourish, these methods can be used for healing or manipulation. In this video, Mr. Lefkoe helps Joe Vitale (The Secret) remove a negative belief in real time, showing the reach of proper inquiry and the power of shifting perspectives.

After further delving into Mr. Lefkoe’s process and comparing it to older books and material, I deduced that the technique is rather simple and doesn’t need to follow a certain pattern to be effective. Introspection helped me recall times when I had inadvertently used a similar approach to cope with challenges, and it all boiled down to assigning new meaning to all events; past, present, and future, to achieve peace of mind.

What does this mean? That stepping on dog s#%t could mean good luck, tragedy, or a normal occurrence depending on where you live. So much like the Buddhist story at the beginning, a subtle change can lead to a significant increase in our quality of life.

Although I had used a DIY version of this technique to overcome unemployment, breakups, and even divorce, I experienced its true power when I turned my childhood upbringing, which I had considered cruel, unjustified, and utterly painful, into a positive experience.

What a New Meaning Meant for Me

When I became a Dad and experienced the innocence of children in all their stages, the resentment I had for my step-father grew into a fiery hate. I couldn’t conceive how someone who professed to be a Christian and philanthropist could have caused so much pain and suffering to an innocent child. If I resented him before, he had now died in my head.

After 30 years, my anger and discord became unbearable to live with, so I picked up the phone and laid it out on him. I exploded in a mix of anger, aggressiveness, self-righteous indignation, and logic, a combo move he couldn’t dodge or respond to. The beast of resentment, which had pestered me for decades, had escaped and devoured what it wanted most.

The relief of liberating my hate began to fade away, replaced by further introspection about my actions. Had I done the right thing? Had I gone too far and cut too deep? What if, just like me, he had caused pain on others due to sheer ignorance or lack of emotional development? I justified my behavior based on past events for a few weeks, until I had no choice but to answer to the clamor of my conscience.

In my search for answers, I stumbled upon one of Jordan B. Peterson’s YouTube videos where he speaks about saving your father from the belly of the beast. At the same time, I remembered an intervention by Tony Robbins in his movie “I’m Not Your Guru”, where he helps a woman, who despised her father for the things he had done, to call him after years and thank him for the things he did do. Mr. Robbins made it clear that we often judge others for the things they do wrong, but we seldom judge them for what they’ve done right.

When it came time to take inventory of my step-dad’s actions, I realized that he had raised me with the best intentions, teaching me all the right things, but just used the wrong methods. I had been angry at the delivery, but had found pride and strength in the things I learned from them. And they were all thanks to my step-dad, who from that moment on became my dad, as being a dad is a role and not a title.

In that moment, I realized my (and our) ability to turn the most hurtful experiences into a powerhouse, by questioning previous assumptions and replacing them with new ones, or the fact that I could never know someone’s intentions for sure.

Conclusion: Finding Your Own Answers

Coming back to NXIVM and Morty Lefkoe, I now connected the dots between what I had experienced and what their methods instilled in others; one used it to help people find emotional relief through constructive justification or reassignment of meaning, while the other to manipulate victims. Ironically, we can also misuse this tool by justifying improper behavior from others, assigning it new meaning due to fear of some kind.

But if used properly, this approach can help you remove the shackles of experiences you deemed negative, or understanding that your current challenges could be a gift (and valuable lesson) in disguise.

Another aspect to consider embarking in this journey is; you are the one hurting and suffering from these beliefs. While it may be uncomfortable to admit “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not Loved”, “I’m not important”, etc, no-one but you experiences the undesirable results of going through life with your tail between your legs.

Although I have found the best approach and combination that works for me, Mr. Lefkoe summarizes his approach and how it can benefit you here. On the other hand, if you suspect to be in a cult or being manipulated, understanding how this part of you works can help you break free from invisible shackles.

To summarize my first long post, there is much value to be discovered in self-inquiry, introspection, and healing through re-interpreting painful events — while learning to spot this technique —  can save you from the claws of manipulators, or your own inner critic. But as I would do myself after finding new information, I’d like to encourage you to explore this for yourself and get your own answers.

Thank you for sticking around and please let me know what you think about my blog, or at least this post. I hope my content proves useful and don’t forget that “The only peace you find at the top of the mountain is the one you brought there” - Alan Watts.

Keep pushing, stay strong, and smile in the face of fear. Fortune favors the brave.

Victor Jesus Giusfredi.