The First Key to Success: A Breakthrough Formula for Reaching Your Goals.
I was born in a small city in the east of Mendoza, Argentina, with only a few thousand inhabitants, no internet, and even less money to splurge. But today, I find myself living my dream life even after going through some massive challenges; challenges that I unknowingly created by repeating destructive patterns I wasn’t aware of.
Because I have lost so much and suffered due to ignorance, I felt forced to find ways to improve my life and get out of emotional Hell. Being divorced twice by 36, without a job, and caring full-time for my kids, I had no option but to look for a way out. While I thought I had tried everything I could, such as self-help books, affirmations, seminars, and audio programs, I knew something was missing.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the world’s number one breakthrough coach, a man who has advised presidents, Olympic athletes, elite military operators, and the most notable people I can conjure up in my mind: Tony Robbins.
Say what you want about the man, but one can’t deny that he is the epitome of success; he owns over 100 businesses, is one of the richest people in the world, and holds seminars for thousands of people at a time, not to entertain them, but to help them change their lives.
Learning about his methods and philosophy was the piece missing from my recipe. While I have obsessively studied human performance and behavior since age 21, Tony Robbins’ material connected all the dots.
I integrated many of Tony Robbins’ principles in my practice, alongside countless other tools I’ve learned from the schools of NLP, Philosophy, Psychology, and life itself. This combination of mental kung-fu moves got me out of emotional hell, and it allowed me to do the same for those I love, and many others.
And that’s what today’s blog is about; to give you the first key towards a new life. Over the next series of posts, I will share with you the powerful tools that changed my experience from despair and hopelessness, to creating the life I desired most.
But I must warn you from the get-go; change requires commitment, work, and the burning desire to get out of where you are now. There is discomfort in doing new things, but you have to decide whether to stay in the hopeless, dull-aching you’re experiencing, or face the temporary discomfort required to grow. If you’re willing to do the work, the results are nothing but guaranteed.
STEP 1: Decide, aim, shoot!
Have you ever gotten into your car, started driving, and just kept going without a destination in mind? Probably not. Every time we board our car, a plane, or embark on any endeavor, we have a clear destination in mind.
Personal change is exactly the same, and you can’t get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going. This post will help you gain clarity and understand why the most important piece of your new journey is to understand where you are now, and where you want to go.
To begin with, let’s do a quick assessment of your current life situation. Answer the following questions to help you understand what it is you want to change, and how to get there:
Where are you now? What are you wrestling with?
What do you enjoy about your life? What is good and okay with your situation?
What would you like to change? What do you want to achieve?
Are you commited to change? Will you decide to change?
Exercise: List 2 aspects of your life you MUST change NOW, 2 things that you know you’ve been putting off, but for one reason or another you have talked yourself out of.
STEP 2: Why MUST you change?
While life is about learning to love and enjoy what you have now, there is always room to grow; otherwise, you wouldn’t experience this burning desire for more. It’s also likely that you have tried to change in the past and have failed to some degree. But that’s okay because not trying is the biggest failure of all, the fastest way to cheat yourself out of the life you desire.
Regret, however, is a b$#ch. Realizing later on that you could have achieved anything you wanted is a tough pill to swallow, one that can pin you down to failure indefinitely. But the weakest link wasn’t your attempt, but your reasons.
A good friend of mine struggled to lose weight for as long as I’ve known him. He wanted to lose weight to be more attractive to the opposite sex, but once he got what he wanted, he gained it (and more!) right back. It wasn’t until the doctor gave him an ultimatum to lose weight and keep it off, otherwise he’d likely have a heart attack. The result? Not only he lost more weight than he wanted, but has been fit ever since.
The question is, why do you want to change? Why is achieving this goal a must for you, instead of simply a want? You know this better than anyone, and it’s time to get real with yourself. For me, personal change meant finding a reason to live after facing a second divorce amidst the pandemic, unemployment and single-parenting. Staying depressed, reminiscing about what I had lost, and fearing the future was a torture much bigger than any failure I could face on my way out of Hell.
Exercise: List 10 reasons why you must take action on the 2 items above. Be real with yourself, and don’t overthink; you likely already know.
STEP 3: What Will You LOSE if You Don’t Change?
The next step is getting clear about the negative consequences of staying on your current path. For my friend, it meant dying sooner, leaving his fiancé on her own, and accepting the fact that food was stronger than his will to live. For me, it meant jumping into the abyss, leaving my children to fend for themselves, and causing enormous pain on people who didn’t deserve it.
Your reasons don’t have to be as extreme, but they certainly involve painful consequences for yourself and others. Will your weight gain prevent you from feeling confident, sleeping well, or being attractive to the opposite sex? Will you lose self-respect, stay stuck in a dead-end job and waste your talents by not starting a business? Stay trapped in the hamster wheel and cheat your family out of a better future due to being “comfortable”?
Exercise: List 10 negative consequences you will experience by staying on this path. Make sure you think of yourself, those you love, and how your actions will impact everyone, now and later.
STEP 4: What Will You GAIN by Making a Change?
It’s time to change the tune to something more positive, and get clear on the benefits of making a change. Once you’re clear about the pains of stagnation, it’s time to think about what you will gain if you find the courage to pursue your dreams.
The same doctor that put my friend against the ropes became amazed at his transformation, and the impact on his health. His life is now full of adventure, passion and things he only dreamt of before. I live a life of unwavering purpose, have raised my kids by example, and have helped many others overcome the things that nearly destroyed them.
What would taking action mean for you? How will you feel being your own boss, finding total freedom, and having plenty of time for your family? Will you find new opportunities? Get the car, house, or equipment you dream of? Maybe help others?
Exercise: List 10 benefits, experiences or things you will gain from changing your ways. Get clear on all the things you will get from taking action, and start envisioning what you can, and will, achieve.
STEP 5: Can You Change?
It’s important to gain confidence in ourselves by realizing that we can change and that what we need is within us. Through therapy, I learned that many of my fears were internal and that I wasted time waiting for the perfect moment when I already had all the tools I needed to succeed. But that took years to uncover, and years is something no one wants to invest into something without a guaranteed result. Plus, there are faster paths to the same result.
You can get the clarity you need right here and now. What are the reasons you can make this change? Maybe you are able-bodied and can work out at home, the gym, or locally. Maybe you already have the concept, skills, and product idea for your business. Maybe you are romantic, love your spouse, and can make small changes to reignite your passion. Whatever it is, get clear on why you can and will change.
Exercise: List 10 reasons why you can make the changes you need. Many “unfortunate” people have achieved story-worthy success, and I’m sure you can, too.
STEP 6: Creating a Roadmap
Now that we’ve hashed the above, let’s create a roadmap to get you there. Something I’ve learned from great people in history is that success is the accumulation of consistent, daily, small actions. You can build a castle brick-by-brick.
Modern life has conditioned us to have what we want with little effort: credit cards, delivery, super malls, and paychecks. But what is that costing you? Your self-respect? Your freedom? The regret of not reaching out for your dreams? I’m glad to tell you that I was trapped in the same illusion until I realized that real, sustainable change comes one step at a time.
You know what you want, you know what being paralyzed is costing you, and you know what you’ll get if you start. They say fortune favors the brave, and after surviving a load of dire circumstances, I can confidently say that timeless wisdom is timeless for a reason. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel to win in life, just listen to those who’ve done what you want and do the same.
Exercise: The last step is to take action. Write down 10 things you can do to get started, no matter how big or small (small is ideal). Whether that means cleaning up your schedule, waking up earlier or staying up late to fit the “1” thing you need to accomplish, figure out a way to make it happen and get to it.
Thank You
If you are truly seeking change and don’t know where to start, this post will clear the path for you to creative massive value in your life. You can build a chair or a house out of wood, but before you chop the tree down, you need to sharpen your axe.
In the next post, we’ll discuss tools and strategies to make these changes sustainable, and to cement in your mind the habits and mindset you need to reach your wildest dreams. In the meantime, feel free to check out my book “No Grail Without Dragons: A Man’s Unconventional Path to Love, Purpose, and Peace”, where I share how I overcame challenging circumstances such as divorce, single parenting, and bankruptcy.
If you need someone to show you the ropes and keep you accountable from beginning to end, you can sign up for my “30 Days to Success” program. While there is a waiting time (only 10 spots per month, and you must qualify to participate), sometimes all you need is someone who knows the right screw to turn to get the machine running.
Thanks for spending this time with me, for investing time in yourself, and for the love and support I receive from all of you.
Until the next,
Victor.