FAKE GURUS, FINDING MEANING, AND CHANGING DIRECTION.
Sometimes, life smacks you without warning, and you’re hit so hard that it takes time to get back up. Suddenly, what you believed about the world disintegrates, and you are left standing on your own two feet, without knowing if the ground below you will crumble again. The range of experiences that elicit this state can vary from person to person, but it’s undeniable that getting hit multiple times throughout life can make things rather confusing, challenging, and hard to cope with. For many, one smackdown is enough to never try again. Ask most divorcees. For others, the pain of failure is scarier than failing again until they win.
A day after my last blog post over a month ago, I stumbled upon a YouTuber named “Coffeezilla”, who seems to do intricate and deep investigate work to expose “influencers” and “creators” scamming their followers. His work opened my eyes to a side of the internet that I wasn’t aware of. A side I can’t unsee. I thought that every creator approached their work the way I do; aiming for authenticity, pursuing meaning, and living by the things they share with others. After all, the mask of hypocrisy isn’t just heavy, but hard to sustain long-term. But to my surprise, many of the people I considered helpful, genuine, or vulnerable, turned out to be fake gurus only concerned about their own (financial) well-being, even if that meant giving false advise, running crypto scams, or embodying the antonym of the image they sold.
The first piece of the domino was exposing Jay Shetty. I first heard of him during a Tony Robbins virtual event in 2022, and his backstory sounded compelling. But he left out the most important parts of his story, the ones that if shared, would have landed him into the same bag as Keith Rainere, and not Jordan Peterson. You can watch one of many videos here. That led to an avalanche of findings: Grant Cardone, Dean Graziosi, Tai Lopez, MrBeast, Logan Paul, and many, many others being exposed for their shady dealings. Turns out that most online “gurus” make their money by selling smoke and mirrors. But their teachings have no foundation in real life, as most of them have not encountered the challenges they are helping others to overcome. Not only they live a fictitious life, but keep their followers stuck in an endless loop of “self-help”, claiming you need more change if you aren’t achieving results. Tens of thousands of dollars later, your life still sucks and you are more confused than ever.
Based on this discovery, I felt betrayed, confused, and stupid. How could have I, the man obsessed with why do we do the things we do, fallen into their obvious trap? Like catching the love of your life with your best friend, I felt that reality flipped upside down in a matter of minutes. I gave my money and time to these scammers, under the impression that I can “elevate” my life and that of others. I sacrificed more than I felt comfortable with, only to discover that the people I followed made their millions by lying to suckers like me. Cognitive dissonance turned my brain into a pressure cooker. I found myself looking back at years of work that now needed to be trashed, because upon closer examination, it was a loop I couldn’t escape. The weigh of regretting wasting years I could have used in better ways became a tough pill to swallow.
But I’m a knuckle head, and been blessed (or cursed) with the unavoidable need to get back up. To do that, however, I needed to refocus on my mission, how I wanted to help others, and what would bring the most meaning into my life. What you say can change someone’s life direction for a long time, and a beast our generation wrestles with is the amount of misinformation and bad advice all over the web. I do not want to be part of that. That led me to break away from the coaching world, social media, and other areas that I felt weighed me down.
After subjecting myself to an interrogatory-like couple of weeks, I got to the bottom of it all. I knew that the one thing I’ve always wanted was to have a successful relationship. I knew that none of my previous achievements, whether in sports, business, work or fitness, provided the sustainable fulfillment I sought at an emotional or spiritual level. I knew that while I have explored the darkest sides of life, there is a reason why the right thing is the right thing to do. And I also knew that if there is one thing I’m “proud” of (or relieved), is experiencing the romantic relationship I’ve always wanted. After all, my obsession with psychology and other areas of knowledge is based on understanding why women choose one man versus another, and the patterns that solve the Rubik’s cube of love.
I might not be the one to tell you how to make millions, get more followers, run an Ultra or land a record deal, but I can certainly share with you what works in love, marriage, and the traps to avoid after trying it all myself. I can show you how much better life is when things are good at home, how much more you can achieve, and how pleasant it is to not live with one foot in and one foot out. For me, having a loving family, thriving kids, good health and a fulfilling, sustainable relationship are the epitome of success. Because, in my experience, nothing is harder than developing character, improving oneself, and facing the dragons that guard the treasure we seek.
We all owe it to ourselves to take a step back, examine our current path, and make any necessary changes to live the life we want. A life without the emotional baggage of fear, anxiety and loneliness that characterizes our epoch is possible, but only after being honest with ourselves and making our beliefs a product of our own conclusions. Being genuine, authentic and having nothing to hide are some of the greatest treasures in life. I’ve known that for quite some time, yet I fell in the trap of not second guessing those that told me what I wanted to hear, paying a heavy price for it. This post is to let you know that I’ve read your messages, I’m still here, and more driven than ever. Discovering that these “successful” guys are fakes rekindled the fire in me, because I have walked the walk and earned through failure the golden nuggets of wisdom that changed my life, and could possibly change yours, too.
To you, my reader, I thank you for your interest in my work, for sharing it, for your emails, and for having the courage to try what most wont, to enjoy what most can’t. In my experience, Love is the hardest game to win in life, but certainly the one worth the most, and I’m devoted to helping you thrive in marriage, love, and build a meaningful life in an ocean of superficial success. Thank you for reading and I’m excited for what is to come.
Until the next round.
V.